I am finding it very interesting and very humbling how easy it is for me to fall back into my old ways. It tells me that I need to stay on my knees and prayed up – even regarding the areas of my life that I thought had been conquered.
Let me explain. I once had a bit of a short fuse – apparently I still have it. I am not one to blow up and create a ruckus. But I am easily annoyed and I will cop an attitude and release a snide comment or two and even perhaps walk out of the room and commence the complaining. You won’t hear me raging, yelling or slamming and banging doors or anything like that. But my mother always knew when I was super annoyed about something because she said my jaw muscle got tight. That may have been my way of trying to keep my mouth shut. I’m not really sure. But I know lately I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut and taking my annoyances to Lord in prayer. I have tried avoiding situations that have the potential to annoy me but I can’t avoid every situation. And I can give you a whole laundry list of things that annoy me.
Now I’ve tried to examine the things annoy me and understand why I find them annoying. But the only explanation is that I am a sinner and if not kept in check, I can be a bit unpleasant to be around. And I don’t mean to be unpleasant. I will complain and I will be critical of others. The irony is that I will be one of those people that even I would find annoying. I don’t believe it is wrong to be annoyed. I think it’s normal to find things annoying from time to time but our behavior and reaction to being annoyed is the problem.
So, I have found myself lately falling back into that ‘Critical Kara’ behavior. So, when my old self shows up again, I am asking the Lord to soften my heart of those things I find annoying and look at them with compassion. I am asking the Lord to capture every wicked thought and to harness my tongue. And to stop complaining – again.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life–in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.